im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
