Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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