It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize