better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
