How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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