i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
