No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
