One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize