Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
