hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
