So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
