My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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