That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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