that's an acceptable place to lick
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
