How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
