kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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