the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
