god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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