Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
