You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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