I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
