ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  obviously you're part succubus.

  Fav 8 2733 1076

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???

  Fav 126 947 10636

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

  Fav 6 3863 1969

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.

  Fav 17 5274 1523

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.

  Fav 6 4283 1224

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition

  Fav 11 4497 1429

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.

  Fav 3 764 1562

  share tweet
  

• (805): View more from California

  I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.

  Fav 4 1048 1564

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on

  Fav 3 2674 1400

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

  Fav 3 2696 955

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  I wish they made people sized litter boxes.

  Fav 11 968 1822

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (907): View more from Alaska

  Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.

  Fav 27 1158 3540

  share tweet
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members

  Fav 9 694 1120

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened

  Fav 9 775 1458

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer

  Fav 2 1089 510

  share tweet
  

Randomize