in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
