Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
