We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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