If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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