Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
