someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
