God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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