I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
