apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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