my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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