I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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