glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
