Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
