the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
