Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
