Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
