its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
