so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
