so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
