i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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