May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize