you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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