Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tell your sister to shave her snatch
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
