wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
