i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
