I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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