I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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