she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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