All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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