Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
