So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
