Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
