Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
