Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
