I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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