Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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