Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
