He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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