she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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