if you like me you must not know who I am
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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