I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
