Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
