I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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