Dual....:-)
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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