I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
