He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
