Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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