yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
