he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
