Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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