fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
